this is 32
I turned 32 at the end of December! I certainly don’t feel 32. Admittedly, I am now religious about pouring some kind of oil or serum all over my face and cleaning out my closet while purging anything that is very twenty-ish because I’M IN MY THIRTIES. Yes, it’s taken me two years to do this because I’m a hoarder at heart. However, while browsing through my wardrobe, one item in particular, made me do a double take-my tiered tulle skirt, shown in these photos. Is it acceptable for a 32-year-old to wear a blush pink layered tulle skirt? I have a few more grey hairs than I had last year and more laugh lines than I care to admit but I can still wear fun clothes, right?
I started to wonder why there is this expectation that women need to dress their age and conform to a certain standard. In my mind, there are no rules and I can wear anything I want. I don’t want to feel pressured to transition into another way of dressing and be someone I’m not simply because I’m getting older. Everyone should dress the way they want. As long as you feel good when you walk out the door, right? Anyway, I decided to keep the tulle skirt. Yes, I wore something strikingly similar to my Bat-Mitzvah as a twelve-year-old but I see nothing wrong with that.
When I was younger, I thought I’d have it all figured out by 32. It’s funny how you think you have so much time before you reach the age where you need to get your act together. Suddenly you are that age and you don’t know nearly as much as you once thought you should. I’ve realized lately that I’m okay with not having everything figured out. That’s not to say I’m not ambitious or that I want to live a mediocre life. It’s the opposite really. I’m still very ambitious but my goals have changed.
my own path
At 32, I’m a mother. A wife. A sister. A daughter. A friend. An aunt. A writer. A pharmacist. A blogger. I’m less focused on figuring everything out on paper and more concerned with living the life I want to live. The beauty of being thirty-two is the realization that I am carving my own path and doing what I feel makes me and my family happy, rather than what I believe is expected of me. I don’t think I felt that way at 22. For the first time in a long time, I feel free. The path I set for myself when I was a freshman in high school is no longer my reality. I don’t feel so attached to checking things off my to-do list, which seemed to have served as a never-ending measure of happiness and fulfillment for most of my adult life.
This year, I continued to grow and learn more about myself. I watched the sun go down while overlooking the caldera in Santorini. I’ve learned about ancient Greek civilization while walking through the Acropolis of Athens. I’ve flown to the Caribbean with a husband, a toddler and a baby. I threw my first New Year’s Eve party with Julian. I continued to work full-time while traveling and trying to be a present mother and wife, managed kid sick days while juggling work deadlines and felt like I needed to clone myself to survive.
so much can change
So much can change in a year. I heard my baby boy say, “I love you” for the first time. My baby started walking and talking. Perry and Dylan became best friends. My little girl started her second year of preschool. We started having real conversations. I started writing more, continued to travel the world with my best friend, and had my first full year as a mom of two. This was the year I became a stay-at-home mom. I left my incredible job as a Pharmacist to be home with my children. It was a move I never would have imagined for myself five years ago.
I learned to be nicer to myself as a mother and as a woman. I may not reach my self-imposed expectation of doing everything perfectly all the time but that’s okay. For a very long time, I always felt that I could and should be doing more. I still feel that way from time to time but I’m starting to be a little less hard on myself. Perry and Dylan are sweet and joyful children who love each other (most of the time) so maybe I’m doing a decent job.
Outfit details (all items are on sale): Sweater: Zara // Skirt: Chicwish (wearing an XS-S, quality is amazing)// Booties: Vince Camuto via Nordstrom
these are a few of my favorite things
I’m grateful for the aspects of my life that I now understand to be my greatest joys-the quiet moments I savor. Weekend mornings snuggling with my husband and children in our bed, bath time while catching up on our days, family walks to the park, finding a new band and listening to them nonstop, my brother coming home from college for the weekend, coffee in bed, cutting an avocado in perfect halves, Netflix marathons, road trips to our next adventure, quiet time to write my next blog post, our parents coming to visit, the smell of my mom cooking my favorite meal, getting lost in a really great book, spending time with my grandparents, browsing Net-a-Porter, writing in my journal at the end of the day. Little things that can go unnoticed but mean everything to me. Each day is so imperfect and lacks the balance I once desperately craved and I’m learning not to be so hard on myself for it.
the corner office
Truthfully, I’ve never been too focused on my age unless it meant I could do something that I couldn’t before (i.e. the 18 and 21-year-old birthdays). Thirty-two always felt far away but here it is! And it feels REALLY GOOD. I’ve always been a very old soul and felt like I was in my 30s even as a ten-year-old. I remember sitting in my bedroom as a little girl, pouring over magazines that were way too mature for me and thinking about one day going to my high-powered job wearing a well-tailored suit and four-inch heels as I entered my corner office. Yes, this is what I dreamed about as a ten-year-old.
Although I’m not walking into a corner office, I am living out my dreams. I am so incredibly grateful that life is even better than I imagined it would be as a ten-year-old and that I get to experience it with my greatest loves. Thank you for being part of my journey and allowing me to share my world with you.